btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
