So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
