i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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