cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
