You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
not ubering you a puppy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
