i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
