I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
