Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
