Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
