what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
