youre lurking in front of me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
