The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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