It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
