When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
