like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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