How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
