Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
