Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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