Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
