kristin has been a bad kristin
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
