can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
