this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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