His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize