Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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