she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
