HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
