I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
