shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize