New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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