I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
be right there i have to get my cape
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
