either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
