i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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