So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
