New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm passing your future prison.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize