Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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