No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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