My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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