Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
