i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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