So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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