Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
