Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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