apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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