Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
