she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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