U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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