When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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