Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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