You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
