The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
