I want to make a zoo with you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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