The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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