he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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