I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
