I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He did a backflip because drugs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
