If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize