glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
