I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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