I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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