there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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