Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
