Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
420 ftw
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
