HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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