Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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