you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
