if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
