why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize