Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fuck appropriateness.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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