I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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