wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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