We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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