Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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