and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
