I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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